FINN, A.J. - The Woman in the Window

The Woman in the Window

by A.J. Finn

QUOTES FOR DISCUSSION

Watching is like nature photography: you don't interfere with the wildlife.

Pg. 4

She never had real friends in New York; she was too shy, too small.

pg. 9

This time last year, we'd planned to sell the house, had even engaged a broker;

Pg. 12

She dropped by to tell us ("to your faces") how much she ("and my Henry") resented the arrival of "another yuppie clan" in what "used to be a real neighborhood."

Pg. 20

This past summer, his music wandered toward the house, approached my living room, knocked politely on the glass:  Let me in.  I didn't, couldn't - I never open the windows, never - but still I could hear it murmuring, pleading: Let me in. Let me in!  

Pg. 21

None of these people were my friends; most of them I'd not met more than once or twice. Urban life, I suppose.

Pg. 21

She pressed my knee to the floor.  "You're not paying me to go easy on you."

 I winced.  "Can I pay you to leave?"

Bina visits once a week to help me hate life, as I like to say.

Pg. 22

"Half the guys on these apps are using 5 year old photos," she'll complain, her waterfall of hair poured over one shoulder, "and the other half are married. And the other half are single for a reason."

That's three halves, but you don't debate math with someone who's rotating your spine.

Pg. 22

"I've never seen a black and white movie."

I make full moons of my eyes. "You're in for a treat. All the best movies are black and white."

He looks doubtful...

Pg. 44

A strip of text at the bottom of the screen reports that Granny Lizzie is typing. I wait a moment, then another; either she's whipping up a long message or it's a case of senioritis. Both my parents used to stab at the keyboard with their index fingers, like flamingos picking their way through the shallows; it took them half a minute to bash Out a hello.

Granny Lizzy: Well, hello there!

Pg. 63

I note the tone, brisk and insistently upbeat; I clock the language, informal but confident, and the precise punctuation, the infrequent errors. She's intelligent, outgoing. Thorough, too - she spells out numbers and writes by the way instead of btw, although maybe that's a function of age.

Pg. 65

Who knows what goes on in a family? I learned this as a grad student. "You can spend years with a patient and still they'll surprise you,"

pg. 98

"I may do some good before I am dead." - Jude, Part Sixth, chapter 1

Pg. 115

For an instant, and then for a moment, I'm holding my daughter again - holding her before her first day of school, holding her in the swimming pool on our vacation in Barbados, clutching her amid the snowfall. Her heart beating against my own, a beat apart,

Pg. 120

My psychotherapist oath: I must first do no harm. I will promote healing and well-being and play some others' interests above my own.

Pg. 148

And then I feel it: the warmth of the living room.

And I smell it: the stale air of my home.

And I hear it: the squeal of the cat.

Pg. 170

"I want all of you at my house. You think I'm delusional." He flinches.  "And you think I'm lying." Norelli doesn't react. "And he's saying I've never met a woman I met twice."

Pg. 181

The averted gaze, the leftward glance, the delayed response, the fidgeting - all the tells of a liar. I knew it before he opened his mouth.

The clenched jaw, though: that's a sign of something else. That's a sign of fear.

Pg. 187

Isn't it amazing," Bina says, "how according to the Internet, some people might as well not exist?"

Pg. 191

I used to log their every activity, my neighbors, used to chronicle each entrance and exit.

Pg. 197

At the top of the stairs, I take a breath. The air is stale. David's right: I should ventilate. I won't, but I should.

Pg. 233

The closet door is ajar. Just slightly, but ajar. My heart stops for an instant. But why should it? It's just an open door. I opened it myself the other day. For David. ...Except I closed it again. I would have noticed if I had been left open - because I did just notice it had been left open. I stand there, wavering like a flame. Do I trust myself?

Pg. 236

I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm doing this.

Pg. 254

So much I haven't seen in so long. So much I haven't felt, haven't heard, haven't smelled -

Pg. 256

When I emerge, scrubbed, shampooed, my skin feels new.

Pg. 350

I've been resisting Ed and Livy. Not all the time, not fully; some nights, when I hear them, I murmur back. But the conversations are over.

Pg. 425

BANGHART, Tracy - Grace and Fury

GRACE AND FURY by Tracy Banghart

QUOTES FOR DISCUSSION

Her mother had taught her the importance of masks.

pg. 2

Even here, dressed in her nicest clothes, Nomi looked as untamable as ever. A girl who hated everything about the Graces and what they represented - and now she was one of them.

Pg. 26

I love you, Sister, as maddening as you are. I would never leave you to face this alone.

Pg. 33

That dress is lethal.

Pg. 94

She had to learn these things. She couldn't risk displeasing anyone.

Pg. 98

He smelled of espresso and warm sand.

Pg. 98

Nomi had never been paid such an extravagant compliment in her life.

Pg. 99

Everything's different and unexpected...  This wasn't your choice.

Pg. 99

“My mother used to tell me that raging against a life you can’t change only hurts you.” Her voice hitched. “But she was lucky. She died young.”

Pg. 114

Do what you like.

Oracles’ words pounded in her head. No one had ever said that to her before. Her life had been ruled by duty. And none, not even the people she lived, had let her forget it.

Pg. 117

Every night, every time I close my eyes, I see them. Always, always they’re in pain. I carry them with me, and I will until I die.

Pg. 138

Pray your sister is easily broken. It's the defiant ones who suffer the most.

Pg. 154

No one should be made to feel broken or powerless. Not you, not me. Not anyone.

Pg. 160

"You are not his to touch."

Nomi's eyes widened at the undercurrent of anger beneath Malachi's words. But of course. She understood. It was a question of property. A fury rising, she said, "Because I am yours to touch you mean."

Pg. 189

"Your ability to mask your true feelings, your true self, will be your greatest weapon."

"I need a weapon?" Serena had asked

Their mother had lifted her chin. "Every woman does."

Pg. 216

My father used to say opposition isn't a finite state. It's a weight that is carried until it becomes too heavy, and then it is thrown off.

Pg. 259

CAHALAN, Susannah - Brain on Fire

Brain on Fire by Susannah Cahalan

QUOTES FOR DISCUSSION

The existence of forgetting has never been proved we only know that something's do not come to our mind when they want them to. - Frederick Nietzsche

-Author's Note Page

What I didn't know then is that bug obsession can be a sign of psychosis.

Pg. 8

But there likely was a pathogen of some sort that had invaded my body, a little germ that set everything in motion. ... The doctors don't actually know how it began for me. What's clear is that if the man had sneezed on you, you'd most likely just get a cold. For me, it flipped my universe upside down...

Pg. 9

I would never again be the same person. This was the start of the dark period of my illness, as I begin an existence in purgatory between the real world and a cloudy, fictitious realm made of hallucinations and paranoia. From this point on, I would increasingly be forced to rely on outside sources to piece together this "lost time."

Pg. 41

But it takes only one dissident instrument to mar the cohesion of a symphony.

Pg. 41

"But this is an emergency room and we can't just keep her to see... I'm sorry."  ...The doctor nodded patiently and departed to address the gunshot wounds and drug overdoses that awaited him.

Pg. 44

Bipolar disorder. Even though it would have sounded groom at any other moment now the idea was a relief. ... I spent the night in a state of ecstasy. I had a name for what plagued me, and those two words, which fell off the tongue so sweetly, meant everything.

Pg. 48

"Her EEG was completely normal," Bailey protested, looking through my file. "MRI normal, exam normal, blood work normal. It's all normal."

"Well, she's not normal," my mother snapped as I sat there, quiet and polite with my hands folded in my lap.

Pg. 70

After the neurological exam, he extended his hand my mother and said, "We'll figure this out. Susannah will be fine." My mother clung to those words like a life raft.

Pg. 82

The mind is like a circuit of Christmas tree lights. When the brain works well, all of the lights twinkle brilliantly, and it's adaptable enough that, often, even if one bulb goes out, the rest will still shine on. But depending on where the damage is, sometimes that one blown bulb can make the whole strand go dark.

Pg. 83

Though I was no previous history of mental illness, I was within the age range for psychotic breaks, which tend to occur in the late teens or early twenties, but also frequently happen later in life for women.

Pg. 83

"Transfer to psych [ward] if psych team feels this is warranted." Like Dr. Arslan, she chose not to tell my parents about this new suggestion.

 Although many of these findings were kepted from my family and me, it was clear that my place on the epilepsy floor was becoming more and more precarious, just as the nurse had warned my father, both because my seizures seemed to have stopped and because I was such a difficult patient.

Pg. 92

In the few weeks since my strange symptoms had begun, my dad had been spending much more time with me than usual. He was determined to support me as much as possible, but it was taking a toll on him;

Pg. 95

Stephan thought the music might somehow help bring me back. Instead, Every time I watched this DVD, it was as if for the first time. My short-term memory had been obliterated,

Pg. 101

 It was a strange relief for her to finally have confirmation that something physical, as opposed to emotional, was happening to me.

Pg. 108

I seemed to be able to pull myself together when I had visitors but it would often leave me depleted and unable to communicate for hours afterwards, as if I had devoted all my energy to acting normal.

Pg. 111

Although developed in the mid-1950s, the clock had been entered into the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders only in 1987 and is used to diagnose problem areas of the brain in Alzheimer's, stroke, and dementia patients. Dr. Najjar handed me a blank sheet of paper that he had ripped out of his notebook and said, "Would you draw a clock for me and fill in all the numbers 1 through 12?"

Pg. 131

"Her brain is on fire,” he repeated. ... "Her brain is under attack by her own body."

Pg. 134

If it took so long for one of the best hospitals in the world to get to this step, how many other people were going around untreated, diagnosed with a mental illness or condemned to life in a nursing home or psychiatric ward?

Pg. 151

I seem to realize that I wasn't getting it right, which frustrated me deeply. It was clear that, for all my other impairments, I knew that I was not functioning at the level I was used to.

Pg. 155

It was time to figure out what treatment to save me. If he miscalculated I might never recover. He had spent the night deliberating about what to do, waking up in sweats and rambling to his wife. He had finally decided to act with abandon. He didn't want to wait for things to worsen; I was already too close to the edge.

Pg. 162

Finally, here was the confirmation he had been waiting for all these weeks: I was still in there.

Pg. 171

What did it feel like to be a different person?

Pg. 176

I remained silent for a large portion of the night, as Stephen, Grisell, and my father chatted. Whenever they'd try to include me in the conversation, I shook my head and returned to unconsciously smacking my lips together.

Pg.194

The brain is radically resilient; it can create new neurons and make new connections through cortical remapping, a process called neurogenesis.

Pg. 197

He was a wreck. When other family members called for updates he would wave away the phone, certain that he would lose his hard-won composure once he heard familiar voices.

Pg. 198

Perhaps because my dad had been more of a footnote in my life, whereas my mom was a dominant force, it was easier for my father to engage with this "new" me.

Pg. 200

"How are you?" people continued to ask me constantly. How was I? I didn't even know who "I" was anymore.

Pg. 205

I was feeling like a billion dollars as ice under down the subway stairway...

...to find my ex-boyfriend a few stairs below me. I had not spoken to him since long before my illness.

 "I'm sorry I didn't call, but I didn't think you'd want to hear from me."

This should have been the perfect moment to run into an ex, fresh out of the salon. But it was destabilizing and not in a good way. I could tell that he felt sorry for me and there's nothing worse than seeing pity radiating from the eyes of a former lover.

Pg. 216

How many children throughout history have been "exorcised" and then left to die when they did not improve? How many people currently are in psychiatric wards and nursing homes, denied the relatively simple cure of steroids, plasma exchange, IVIG treatment, and, in the worst cases, more intense immunotherapy or chemotherapy?

Pg. 223

Dr. Najjar, for one, is taking a link between autoimmune disease and mental illness one step further: through his cutting-edge research, he posits that some forms of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder, and depression are actually caused by inflammatory conditions in the brain.

Pg. 225

The girl in the video is a reminder about how fragile our hold on sanity and help this and how much we are at the other women are Brutus bodies, which will inevitably, one day, turn on us for good. I'm a prisoner as we all are.

Pg. 227

Autoimmune diseases are most likely the number one cause of disability in women of all ages.

Pg. 229

The amygdala, an almond-shaped structure situated atop the hippocampus, located at the sides of head above the ears in the temporal lobes, is a structure intimately involved in emotion and memory, helping to choose which memories should be kept and what should be discarded, based on which events have traumatized or excited us.

Pg. 244

"When people think about a past event, they can incorporate new information in their recollection, making a new memory," explained psychologist Elizabeth Loftus. Dr. Loftus has spent a lifetime working on the assumption that memory is often inaccurate.

Pg. 244

Although the photographs established that the car had encountered a stop sign, when Dr. Loftus questioned the subject, she inserted intentionally misleading questions, like, "What color was the yield sign?" The study showed that subjects given leading information were more likely to answer incorrectly than those who weren't. These findings have challenged the power of eyewitness testimony.

Pg. 245

"You integrate fragments, scenes of things that you could not truly remember." Similarly, a retrieval mechanism is triggered in the brain when we see something recognizable. Smells or images will instantly transport us back in time, unlocking forgotten memories.

Pg. 246

There was not one shred, one Iota, one shard of memory that connected me with that museum visit. I could not recall going to the Met that February day.

Pg. 248

The existence of forgetting has never been proved we only know that something's do not come to our mind when they want them to. - Frederick Nietzsche

Pg. 248

Old Mormon Nauvoo 1839-1846 by Richard N. Holzapfel And T. Jeffery Cottle

Old Mormon Nauvoo 1839-1846

Historic Photographs and Guide

By Richard N. Holzapfel

And T. Jeffery Cottle

QUOTES FOR DISCUSSION

WILFORD WOODRUFF HOME pg. 76

Wilford Woodruff’s journal documents the exodus from Nauvoo which took several months. Even while Saints were moving across the river, others were just arriving from Great Britain or other missionary areas. The oddity of the situation is seen in his successive entries:

13^th [April 1846] 

We passed Quincy at 6 o’clock. We stopped at Warsaw. We also stopped at Keokuk for an hour. At about 2 o’clock we started to ascend the rapids. In about 2 hours we came in sight of the splendid Temple built by the Latter Day Saints and also the city of Nauvoo. I immediately got my spy glass and examined the city. The Temple truly looked splendid. We stopped at Montrose. And then crossed to Nauvoo at the upper landing. I soon got a wagon & took my friends to my house where I had the happy privilege of meeting with my dear wife and children. I found them all well as could be expected.

14^th    I had an interview with Br. Hyde and many Saints in Nauvoo. I found all the Saints struggling for life.

15^th  In company with Father and Mother Woodruff and Phoebe’s cousin Betsey Cosset, Sister Smooth and others we visited the Temple. We all went through each apartment of it from the front in the basement to the all of the tower and had a view of all Nauvoo and the surrounding country. And after taking a view of each apartment of the Temple we again descended to the ground.

17^th   I spent the day in making some preparation to get away… In the evening I commenced packing up my trunks once more for a long journey.

18^th   I had a very busy day in packing up my things.

20^th It was a busy day. I am now preparing to get ready to start on the western journey. I have much to do and little time to do it in.

21^st    Spend the day in running about to get my things ready.

22^nd  There is a considerable excitement concerning the mob making threats of coming upon Nauvoo to try to destroy the remainder of the Saints.

29^th   [I finally finished] loading my wagons and took them over the river to Iowa. I took over two wagons, tow yoke of oxen and two cows and sent Br. Ferguson to take care of the same. [I returned to Nauvoo and] repaired to the Temple and dressed in our priestly robes in company with Elder Orson Hyde and about 20 others of the Elders of Israel.

30^th   We dedicated the Temple of the Lord built by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, unto His Most Holy name. We had an interesting time. Notwithstanding the many false prophesies of Sidney Rigdon and others that the roof should not go on nor the House be finished and the threats of the mob that we should not dedicate it yet we have done both and we had an interesting time. At the close of the dedication we raised our voices in the united Shout of Hosanna to God and the Lamb which entered the Heavens to the joy and consolation of our hearts. We prayed for the Camp of Israel, for good weather, that we might be disturbed by any mob until the dedication was over. I returned home thankful for the privilege of assisting in the dedication of the Temple of the Lord.

17^th  [May 1846]

Sunday. This was one of the worst days of my life or most perplexing. … As soon as we started the calves and cows all run various ways and while I was trying to get them together the oxen broke the tong out of my carriage. … Father drove into a mud hole and the oxen mired down. At last we finally got camped at black jack grove. And I was very weary at night. 4 miles.

21^st   I spent the day in camp. We had a rainy night and many things wet.

22^nd  I left Nauvoo for the last time perhaps in this life. I looked upon the Temple and City of Nauvoo as I retired from it and felt to ask the Lord to preserve it as a monument of the sacrifice of his Saints. I returned to the camp and spent the night. 10 miles.

LORIN FARR HOME SITE pg. 80

Nauvoo was not only a city of adult men and women, but also a city of children and young adults. The city charter provided a comprehensive common school system. There is evidence of many teachers in Nauvoo during the period, often in each ward. Nauvoo also included a seminary (high school) and a university. Adults had other opportunities for learning as well – for example, through the Nauvoo Library and Literary Institute. A unique feature of these schools was that anyone wishing an education could attend; the system was financed through public taxation.

JOSEPH COOLIDGE HOME AND WORKSHOP pg. 90

On the west gable is an inscription placed on the home by Mr. Kaufman after the Mormon exodus. He placed the date of the building of the home, his name and an inscription in German which means: “This house is mine and yet not mine. Who comes after me shall find the same. I have been here and who reads this shall also have been here.” This German adage seems to imply a sense of hospitality.

JOHN D. LEE HOME SITE pg. 114

My large house, costing me $8000 … I was offered $800 for. My fanaticism would not allow me to take that for it. I locked it up, selling only one stove out of it, for which I received eighty yards of cloth. The building with its twenty-seven rooms, I turned over to the committee, to be sold to help the poor away. The committee informed afterwards that they sold the house for $12.50.

JOHN TAYLOR PRINTING COMPLEX pg. 117

A man of the name of James Ivins has considerable property, and wished to part with it, for the purpose (as he said) of placing his sons at some business, not having an opportunity in this place; the conclusion I came to, from his actions, was, that he was disaffected. He leaned towards Law when he was cut off; when Rigdon went the same way he had such another leaning. In consequence of these the people lost all confidence in him, and he knowing it, was desirous of leaving. He had a first rate large brick house, brick store, and large pine board barn, on a half acre of land on Main street, corner of Kimball, which he had offered to me for three thousand two hundred dollars although the buildings had cost twice that sum. I asked the brethren what their counsel was upon the subject; they said go ahead and get it. I took measure forthwith to procure it, not that I wanted to build myself up; but the idea in getting it was to keep it out of the hands of our enemies, as it was offered so cheap; and I thought the store would suit us for a Printing office. My feelings after I had traded for this were the same as ever, I felt like sacrificing all things when called upon, my heart is not set upon property, but the things of God: I care not so much about the good things of this life, as I do about the fellowship of my brethren, and to fulfilling the word of the Lord has called me to do; and the favor of the Lord, and securing to myself, my family, and friends an inheritance in the Kingdom of God. Moved into the house May 10 1845.

THE EXODUS TO GREATNESS MONUMENT AND FERRY CROSSING pg. 133

Charles Shumway arrived at the Nauvoo ferry crossing very early on 4 February 1846. As he waited in nearly zero degree weather at the foot of Parley Street with his ox-drawn wagon, Shumway must have considered the beautiful city he was leaving behind and the uncertain destination of his journey ahead. Soon he began his famous trip across the Mississippi River, the first of many who would follow in the next days, weeks, and months. The crossing occurred with the help of flat-bottomed ferry boats, designed to carry one wagon and propelled by paddle wheel. Later, during the brief period, the river froze which allowed the wagons to cross the river on the ice.

The ferrymen worked throughout the first days tirelessly moving their cargo to Montrose. An accident endangered several individuals as they attempted to ford the river a few days later. Brigham Young related the following in his journal:

A number of brethren were crossing the river in a flatboat, when in their rear a man and two boys were in a skiff in a sinking condition, on account of being overloaded and the unskillfulness of the helmsman. They hailed to the flatboat, which was soon turned, and rendered them assistance. As soon as they had got the three on board the flatboat, a filthy wicked man squirted some tobacco juice into the eyes of one of the oxen …which immediately plunged into the river, dragging another with him, and as he was going overboard he tore off one of the sideboards which cause the water to flow into the flatboat, and as they approached the shore the boat sank to the bottom, before all the men could leap off. Several of the brethren were picked up in an exhausted condition. Two oxen were drowned and a few things floated away and were lost.

THE NAUVOO HOUSE pg. 151

On 2 October 1841, Joseph Smith placed the manuscript of the Book of Mormon in the southeast cornerstone. Ebenezer Robinson, a prominent citizen of Nauvoo recalled the event.

After the brethren had assembled at the southeast corner of the foundation, where the cornerstone was to be laid, president Joseph Smith said: “Wait, brethren, I have a document I wish to put in that stone,” and started for his house, which was only a few rods away, across Main Street. I went with him to the house, and also one or two other brethren. He got a manuscript coy of the Book of Mormon, and brought it into the room where we were standing, and said, “I will examine to see if it is all here,” and as he did so I stood near him, at his left side, and saw distinctly the writing, as he turned up the pages until he hastily went through the book and satisfied himself that it was all there.  … It was written on foolscap paper, and formed a package, as the sheets lay flat, of about two or two and half inches thick, I should judge. It was written mostly in Oliver Cowdery’s handwriting, with which I was intimately acquainted, having set many pages of type from his handwriting, in the church printing office at Kirtland, Ohio. Some parts of it were written in other handwriting. He took the manuscript and deposited it in the corner stone of the Nauvoo House.

After the Prophet Joseph’s death the title of the Nauvoo House went to Emma Smith. Later, when Emma married Lewis Bidamon, he used the portions of the uncompleted structure to build a two-story house on the southwest corner of the original building. The completed structure was known as the Riverside mansion.

In 1882, Mr. Bidamon uncovered the cornerstone. The following repot was carried in the Carthage, Illinois Republican newspaper:

Last Tuesday, while Major Bidamon was tearing down the walls of the eastern wing of the old “Nauvoo House,”  … he came across the corner stone, which was laid by the Prophet the year 1841. The stone was in the foundation, in the southeast corner, and in the center of it was a square cut chest, about 10 x 14 inches, and eight inches deep, covered with a stone lid, which fitted closely in a groove or shoulder at the top, and cemented around the edge with lead that had been melted and poured in the seam. On removing the lid, which was done with some difficulty, the chest was found to be filled with a number of written and printed documents, the most of them mouldy and more or less decayed.

NAUVOO HOUSE DOCK AND STEAMBOAT LANDING pg. 154

In the coldness of the winter of 1842 – 1843 when the Mississippi was frozen over for several months. One freezing day Joseph Smith did not go to his office. Instead he remained at home to play with his children on the ice. They were sliding down the sloping lower end of Main Street near the Homestead where enough momentum could be gained to send the loaded sleigh out onto the smooth ice of the river. Joseph Smith III, Alexander, and Frederick G. were engaged in this activity. Soon other children gathered and the Prophet taught some of the older children how to slide on the soles of their shoes, balancing their bodies erectly. Others he taught how to steer the crude wooden sleighs of the day with their feet.

YOUSAFZAI, Malala - I Am Malala

I Am Malala: the girl who stood up for education and was shot by the Taliban

By Malala Yousafzai and Christina Lamb

QUOTES FOR DISCUSSION

To all the girls who have faced Injustice and been silenced together we will be heard.

Dedication

Some people say I will never return home, but I believe firmly in my heart that I will. To be torn from the country that you love is not something to wish on anyone.

Pg. 3

We lived in the most beautiful place in the world. My valley, the Swat Valley, is a heavenly kingdom of mountain, gushing waterfalls, crystal clear lakes.

Pg. 15

He wanted tea all the time, our traditional tea with milk and sugar and cardamom, but even my mother tired of this and eventually made some so bitter he lost his taste for it.

Pg. 20

Jinnah said, "No struggle can never succeed without women participating side by side with men. There are two powers in the world; one is the sword and the other is the pen. There is a third power stronger than both, that of women."

Pg. 31

Our history books were rewritten to describe Pakistan as a "fortress of Islam," which made it seem as if we had existed longer than 1947, and denounced Hindus and Jews.

Pg. 31

She was unusual in the village, as she had a father and brothers who encouraged her to go to school. She was the only girl in a class of boys. She carried her bag of books proudly into school and claims she was brighter than the boys. But every day she would leave behind her girl cousins playing at home and she envied them. There seem no point in going to school to just end up cooking, cleaning and bringing up children, so one day she sold her books for nine annas, spent the money on boiled sweets and never went back. Her father said nothing.

Pg. 40

It was only when she met my father that she felt regret. Here was a man who had read so many books, who wrote her poems she could not read, and whose ambition was to have his own school. As his wife, she wanted to help him achieve that.

Pg. 40

He thought there was nothing more important than knowledge

Pg. 41

Education had been a great gift for him. He believed that lack of education was the root of all of Pakistan’s problems. Ignorance allowed politicians to fool people and bad administrators to be re-elected.

Pg. 41

Is Islam such a weak religion that it cannot tolerate a book written against it? Not my Islam!

Pg. 46

He wanted to encourage independent thought and hated the way the school he was in rewarded obedience above open-mindedness.

Pg. 47

It was also becoming clear that while they were best friend, they found it hard to work as business partners.

Pg. 48

While most of us can't live with our wives, he couldn't be without his.

Pg. 53

We thought speaking in English meant you were more intelligent. We were wrong of course. It does not matter what Ianguage you choose, the important thing is the words you use to express yourself.

Pg. 78

Half a doctor is a danger to one's life, so a mullah who is not fully learned is a danger to faith.

Pg. 91

Whenever there is trouble people pray a lot.

Pg. 102

She insisted we leave, but my father was exhausted and we Muslims believe our fate is written by God.

Pg. 103

Earthquake of 8 October 2005 turned out to be one of the worst in history.

Pg. 103

With such a large number of people killed, there were many children orphaned - 11,000 of them. In our culture orphans are usually taken in by the extended family, but the earthquake was so bad that entire families have been wiped out or lost everything and were in no position to take in children. The government promised they would all be looked after by the state, but that felt as empty as most government promises.

Pg. 107

Mullahs from the TNSM preached that the earthquake was a warning from God. If we did not mend our ways and introduce shariat Islamic law, they shouted in their thundering voices, more severe punishment would come.

Pg. 107

I was ten when the Taliban came to our valley. Moniba and I had been reading the Twilight books and longed to be vampires. It seemed to us that the Taliban arrived in the night just like vampires.

Pg. 111

They looked so dark and dirty that my father's friend described them as "people deprived of baths and barbers."

Pg. 111

"You must meet Maulana Fazlullah," people told him. "He's a great scholar."

"He's actually a high school dropout… this so-called scholar is spreading ignorance."

Pg. 114

First the Taliban took our music, then our Buddhas, then our history.

Pg. 123

They took over the Emerald Mountain with its mine and begin selling the beautiful stones to buy their ugly weapons. They took money from the people who took down our precious trees for timber and then demanded more money to let their trucks pass.

Pg. 124

Only learn what God says. His words are divine messages, which you are free and independent to interpret.

Pg. 134

It was school that kept me going in those dark days.

Pg. 135

When we decorated our hands with henna for holidays and weddings, we drew calculus and chemical formulas instead of flowers.

pg. 135

Attiya used to tease me by saying "Taliban is good, army not good." I replied, "If there is a snake and a lion coming to attack us, what would we say is good, the snake or the lion?"

Pg. 137

I can't say that was the worst day. Around the time of Shabana's murder every day seemed like the worst day; every moment was the worst. The bad news was everywhere: this person's place bombed, this school blown up, public whippings. The stories were endless and overwhelming.

Pg. 148

Leaving our home felt like having my heart ripped out.

Pg. 176

She also said I must leave my school bag because there was so little room. I was horrified. I went and whispered Quranic verses over the books to try and protect them.

Pg. 178

Some people believe that the Pashtuns descend from one of the lost tribes of Israel, and my father said, "It is as though we are Israelites leaving Egypt, but we have no Moses to guide us." Few  people knew where they were going, they just knew they had to leave.

Pg. 179

To my joy of I found my school bag still packed with my books, and give thanks that my prayers had been answered and that they were safe.

Pg. 190

We people of Swat were first seduced by the Taliban, then killed by them and now blamed for them.

Pg. 192

My father argued..."My only ambition," he said, "is to educate my children and my nation as much as I am able. But when half of your leaders tell lies and the other half is negotiating with the Taliban, there is nowhere to go. One has to speak out."

Pg. 216

I knew that any of the girls in my class could have achieved what I had achieved if they had had their parents support.

Pg. 216

We don't know what the doctor injected her with, but she went into shock and died. My father said the doctor was a charlatan and this was why we needed to keep struggling against ignorance.

Pg. 217

I sat on the rocks and thought about the fact that across the water where lands where women were free. In Pakistan we had a woman prime minister and in Islamabad I had met those impressive working women, yet the fact was that we were a country where almost all women depend entirely on men.

Pg. 218

Nowhere is it written in the Quran that a woman should be dependent on a man. The word has not come down from the heavens to tell us that every woman should listen to a man.

Pg. 219

Some of Jinnah's, [Mohammed Ali Jinnah, Pakistan's founder], most famous speeches were displayed. There was one about people of all religions being free to worship in the new Pakistan. And another where he had spoken about the important role of women.

Pg. 222

It was hard to visit that place and read those pages without thinking that Jinnah would be very disappointed in Pakistan. He would probably say that this was not the country he had wanted. He wished us to be independent, to be tolerant, to be kind to each other. He wanted everyone to be free whatever their beliefs.

Pg. 222

She begged him to give some cooked rice to the poor, as we believe that if you give rice, even ants and birds will eat the bits that drop to the floor and will pray for us. My father gave money instead and she was distraught, saying that wasn't the same.

Pg. 236

Then I would pray to God, "Bless us. First our father and family, then our street, then our whole mohalla, then all Swat." Then I'd say, "No, all Muslims." Then "No, not just Muslims; bless all human beings."

Pg. 237

I love physics because it is about truth, a world determined by principles and laws no - messing around or twisting things Iike in politics, particularly those in my country.

Pg. 238

We believe that Allah listens more closely to the white-haired.

Pg. 249

My father tried not to think about the past and whether he had been wrong to encourage me to speak out and campaign.

Pg. 255

"It is my belief that God sends the solution first and the problem later," replied Dr. Javid.

Pg. 269

My only regret was that I hadn't had a chance to speak to them before they shot me. Now they'd never hear what I had to say. I didn't even think a single bad thought about the man who shot me - I had no thoughts of revenge - I just wanted to go back to Swat. I wanted to go home.

Pg. 282

She told me there were sacks and sacks more, about 8,000 cards in total, many just addressed "Malala, Birmingham Hospital." One was even addressed The Girl Shot in the Head, Birmingham," yet it had got there.  There were offers to adopt me as if I had no family and even a marriage proposal.

Pg. 288

Rehanna told me that thousands and millions of people and children around the world had supported me and prayed for me. Then I realized that people had saved my life.

Pg. 288

I realized what the Taliban had done was make my campaign global.

Pg. 288

I couldn't wait to tell Moniba. I didn't realize then I wouldn't be going home.

Pg. 289

I reassured my mother that it didn't matter to me if my face was not symmetrical. Me, who had always cared about my appearance, how my hair looked! But when you see death, things change.

Pg. 292

I began with The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, one of a pile of books Into Me by Gordon Brown. I loved reading about Dorothy and how even though she was trying to get back home she stopped and helped those in need like the Cowardly Lion and the rusty Tin Man.

Pg. 295

We human beings don't realize how great God is. He has given us an extraordinary brain and a sensitive loving heart. He has blessed us with two lips to talk and express our feelings, two eyes which see a world of colors and beauty, two feet which walk on the life, two hands to work for us, and nose which smells the beauty of fragrance, and two ears to hear the words of love.

Pg. 300

It's as if you planted a tree and nurtured it - you have the right to sit in its shade.

Pg. 305